lets not dwell in the past. lets not hold grudges. lets not let the old days turn us into a bitter person, instead lets make it the reason to become a better person. lets move on. lets live in the moment. lets forgive and most especially, lets forget. =)
i've always wanted to write all the heartaches i've been thru before but i never got the chance to write it all down. maybe because i was so weak at that time that all i wanted to do was to stay inside my room and contain all the emotions i had .haha who would have dare to write it all down? its like reminding yourself how awful it felt before.
Last sunday, my friend and i went to the church. i was lazy to go to the church but something inside of me said i need to go. it was when i heard the homily that i fully understood why God wanted me to go. Everything has its purpose.
The homily was very nice and inspiring. it was all about forgiving and forgetting. The priest stressed these three points about forgiving: 1.) Forgiveness is a decision and not just a feeling. 2.) to forgive is to risk. 3.) To forgive is to set oneself FREE.
Having heard the homily and having heard some of the heartbreaking break ups that some of my friends have gone thru or is still going thru up to now, i decided to share mine. my heartbreak and the lessons i've learned in life that might help you or other people who get to read this.
i was brokenhearted once. i was once a victim of the past..betrayed by the person i trusted and loved the most. it was the most painful thing i've ever experienced. it was the hardest thing i've had encountered in my whole existence. so many sleepless nights. so many fears. fear of seeing and hearing something that will remind me again of the pain.. fear of not getting okay. .fear of being stucked in the situation im in..i sometimes wake up unbelievably hopeless and wishing not to wake up for a week or months just to not feel the pain. i got stucked at the anger phase for days, for weeks, for months..
i forgave but i didn't forget. i forgave but we didn't get the chance to reconcile.i was so scared to talk about everything. i forgave but thats it.i didn't forget. i thought it was enough but it made my life more miserable. i kept all the anger deep in my heart. i thought i could contain it within me. but i was wrong. it ate up everything inside of me. hatred consumed all the love i had. all the love and respect i had for myself. i went through all kinds of emotions.. emotions i kept only to myself because i was so afraid to show everybody that i was weak. i didn't cry. not even a single tear fell from my eyes. i held back all the tears.but deep down inside, all i wanna do is break down and cry.
I tried to be strong. i thought i was strong. but i wasn't. i was faking. whenever someone asks me how i did it, "being strong", i always answer. .easy. by forgiving and forgetting..but i was lying. i did "forgive" but at the back of my mind,i was thinking bout revenge.. my lies haunted me every night. every single night. i sometimes wake up curling up into an unbelievably sad,mad ball. no advice, no comfort, no hugs, no sweet text advices from my friends made me feel better. no right amount of advice made me feel better. its nice to be surrounded with great and true friends but really, no matter how great your friends are, if you, yourself won't help yourself, nothing will really happen.
It was when i got tired of hurting myself that i decided to really forgive and set myself free from all the heartaches and hatred that i've been feeling. i decided to forgive not because i was just blinded by my feelings for him. but i decided to really forgive him and forget all the betrayals he did. i did it by letting it all out! letting all the tears flow from my eyes. by letting myself get mad at him. by pouring out everything, every single emotion i had inside. i locked myself in my room, i cried to my friends, i didn't talked to anyone for hours, i stayed up in bed all day, i did all the senti(haha) i wanted to do. i cried after waking up, i cried in the shower. everything i know that would make me feel better(but of course,i didn't let it all get in the way of school and work). i decided to let go. to forget everything and start a new life and it felt better. it felt so good..i decided to free myself from all the heartaches,fears and anger.
at first i thought being strong was not crying and showing that your're hurt but i was sooo wrong. soo soo wrong. Being strong means facing the reality. Being strong means being brave. Brave enough to show the world that we are just human. .that human as we are, we do get weak sometimes. we do fall and stumble.. being brave means standing tall and picking up all the shattered pieces after falling apart and not by hiding it. I learned that forgiving, forgetting and moving on is a long process. A decision. i've learned that there are no shortcuts. that we all have to go thru all of these.. Denial, Anger,Bargaining, the hardest part of all,DEPRESSION and the sweetest part of all, ACCEPTANCE.
Looking back at those times, i never really imagined i'd moved on.but hey, i did. IT BROKE ME ONCE, BUT IT MADE ME STRONGER AND TAUGHT ME A LOT OF LESSONS IN LIFE. Lessons that i wouldn't learn if i never encountered that devastating event in my life. I was brokenhearted once, but i'm happy and proud to admit that i was once..for it made me become a stronger woman and a better person. God never really gives us something we couldn't handle. God never gives us test that has no purpose. Whatever He does, whatever trials He give, always be thankful and face it with a smile. whatever hardships He give, He gives it to make us strong and to make us become a better person. He sometimes gives us those trial to remind us that we're nothing without Him. In whatever way God wants to mold US/YOU, always be thankful.. He may give it in hard way or an easy way,but whatever it is always thank Him because He knows what is best for us. only He, knows what truly is best for us. we might experience PAIN..we might experience that point at one or many times in our life that we are alone or as if we have the heaviest burden in life but always remember, it'll make us strong! As for me, i thank God for giving me that experience. it made me become the person i am today. it taught me so many lessons in life and i am so thankful for that.
BE POSITIVE, ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHTER SIDE, don't let your bad experiences turn you into a bitter person, instead let it be the reason to make you a better person and don't ever let anyone or anything break your spirit. =)
From the bottom of my once Brokenhearted heart to now A HAPPY and CONTENTED HEART, i wish all of you SOON-TO-BE HAPPY HEARTS, GOOD LUCK. <3
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